ravinashadowcaster

Hello People! How Is Everyone Doing In This Great Month Of October, One Of My Favorite Months Of The Year! I Mean Come On Now, There Are Birthdays, Some Kids Have Home Coming Others Have Sweetest day. And Then There Is The Best Two Days Of The Year Where You Can Either Be A Devil Or An Angel On The 30th And You Can Dress As You Will And Pretend To Be Something Else For A Night And Tell Make People Choose Between Giving You A Treat Or Giving Them A Trick Lol. All Hollows Eve Is My Favorite Day Of The Year Lol.

Anyways Thats All Beside My Point....

A Lot Been Going Great For Me, I Still Am Having Court Problems But Nothing That Has Catched Up On Me Yet Which is A Great Thing. Im Passing All My Classes in School. Gots A+ On The Brain! And On My Progress Reports Lol. Ummm....Not Swetheart But Then Again Not Really Looking For A Guy At All Right Now. I Kinda Just Gave Up All Together On Relationships. I Dont See No Point In Callin Someone Your "signifigant Other" When Really The "Other" Just Come And Go So Whos To Say really Love Exists Anymore? I Mean Love Is More Of A New Term Now Used To Express What ou Feel At The Moment But Then In The end You End Up Hating The Shit Out Of Your "Significant" Other And To Me Its All Bullshit Now. And All Really Really Pointless.

As of The Last Few Weeks I Have Actually Not Been Home. Not Saying Where Ive Been Cuz Its A Secreat But I Had Fun Really. It Was Relaxing And I Was Still Able To Save Soooo Much Money On Gas Not Having To Drive From My House All The Way Out To Rochester. Which Is Great. My Parents Missed Me, I Wish I Could Say The Same But I Cant Really....Feel Kinda Bad For That Sad Fact But Damn People I Need A Fuckin Break From The Bullshit And Fakness. Its Giving Me A Fuckin Headache And Really Making Me What To Pull Some Dumb Shit Like Forreals.

Ive Been Making A Lot Of Friends Latly And Gotten In Touch With some Old Friends As Well, Just Trying To Find And Figure Out Who I Was Back In The Day And Who I Am Now. I Do Feel More Confident Now. I Can Say That Much At Least. People At School Respect Me Cuz Even Though I Have Not Mentioned Anything About My Life At Home But Hell You Can Just Look At My Car And Now Behind My "I Dont Give A Fuck" Attitude, There Is Shit Bothering Me Yet Im Still Being Me And Not Letting Anything Get To Me And Somehow Able to Still Keep A Smile On My Face. But Hey Like I Said. I Try And No I Dont Give A Fuck Really, Whats The Point In Caring Anyways. Shit Happends, Thats Is Really. Nothing We Can Do About It Really Besides Suck It Up And Deal With It As It Comes. Which Is What Ive Been Doing And I Feel Great About It Because For Once Shit Is Finally Going Some What My Way And Im Happy With How Things Are.

I Dont Have No One Breathing Down My Neck Anymore, No One To Tell Me What I Can And Cant Do, Not Having To Worry About How I Look, Act Anything. And When The Time Does Come For Me To Find Someone New To Introduce In This Fucked Up Life I Have, Ima Have To Make Sure They Knwo Who The Fuck I Am And What My Life Is Like And Make Sure They Can Deal With Shit The Way It Is Before I Can Even Consider To Be With That Person. I Am Not Fuckin Around Anymore, Im Dont With Drama In My family, The Bullshit, Having Someone Act As If They Can Run All Over Me. Fuck That Shit!!! I Rather Beat A Nigga's Ass Before I Let Someone Ever Again Tell Me How To Live My Fuckin Life.

But Like I Said Everything Is Going Fan Fuckin Tastic For Me Right Now And Im Hoping it Gets Better For The Most Part. I Finish School Nov 5th. If I Throw A Party Ima Hit Everyone Up When I Get My Diploma In My Hand And Say Fuck Everyone Who Said I Wasnt Gonna Finish School. Yea I Know Some Poeple Out There Think I Am Like My Family But I Aint And Ima Prove That Shit Here Soon. Hopfully I Can Find A Job Here Soon As Fuck To So I Can get Out Of This Bitch. I Cant Wait To Be On My Own And Not dealing With Being Everyones Servent For Ever And A Life Time. People Need To Get On That Grind And Get Their Shit Together Because i Aint Waiting Around Forever, When I Get A Chance Im Out End Of Story. And I Aint Waiting For Anyone On My Way Out The Door.

Well Ima Head To Bed, Goodnight People!!

~*~Kida~*~

Hey Everyone. Right Now Nothing Great Is Happening. Im Doing Ok Though, Like Tomarrow Me And My Fiance Have To Go To Court. He Is Worried About The Out Come. I Am As Well Really. This Really Sucks. But Im Hoping For The Best And Praying Something Good Happends.

As For Me I Have Court On The 13th Of August For The Same Shit I Had To Go To Court Last Year For. Sucks But Im Hoping To Ask Just Judge To Make A Deal With Me. I Want To Go Back To School. I Miss School So Much. It Made Me More Motivated To Do Other Things That Were Time Consuming, Hopefully It Will Help My Chances Of Finding A Good Job. My Car Is About To Break Down On Me Now As Well. The Back Axel Is Getting Ready To Snap And My back Wheels Are Bowing Out And My Breaks Are Begining To Give Out Me. So Driving It How It Is Now Is Basically Like A Death Trap. Really Sucks Though.

As For My Family Im Still Not Liking Anyone To Much, However Im Done being All Mad About Everything. I Can Care Less Now About Everyone, Only When Things Consern Me Is When I Care. I Mean Yea Sure I Am Part Of This Family And Everything However I Dont Like My Family because None Of Them Are Trying To Do Something With Their Lives. Me Im Trying To Live On My Own Two Feet With My Fiance And Get Married And Have A Family A Better Car And Good Job The Works Pretty Much. Im Not Trying To Say I Want To Be Rich Or Anything But Right Now We Are Living Out In The Middle Of No Where. I Miss The City So Much, I Miss Being Able To Walk Down The Street And Easily Finding Something To Do And A Store Was In Walking Distance. I Love Walking. Calms Me Down Just As Much As Swimming Does.

But Other Then That Everything For Me Perosnally Is Fine. I Just Wish I Could Say The Same For Justin And Our Relationship. Seems Like With Everything The Way It Is, Me And Him Are Growing Farther And Farther Apart, And Im Trying Everything In My Power To Not Let That Happen. I Love Justin. He Means Everything To Me And Does Everything In His Power To make Sure Im Taken Care Of And Im Happy. He Has Been Here For Me Threw So Much. Which Is Why I Dont Wanna Loose Him. But If Its Meant To Be It Will Be Right?

Well Im Gonna Head To Bed. Ill Talk To Everyone Later. Goodnight And Comment On My Pics And For Those Who Commented And Added Some Pics Of Mine To Your Favorites. I Thank You All Vary Much. Take Care Everyone. Byez!

Heather

Hello People And How Are You All Doing Today? And WhatA Lovly Day It Is Too Huh? Anyways.

I Moved To Leonard. It Was lame Out Here At First But Then I Made Some New Friends In Rodchester And With My Car I Normally Go Where ever I Want. (So Long As I Have The Gas For It) Lol.

Its Still Pretty Boring Here At Home But Its Not Bothering Me Like it Used To, Me and My Fiance J Are Still Doing Vary Well And Still Are Vary Happy. We Have Been Together For Over What 6 months Now? Yea Im Pretty Happy Here. As For My Parents Well They Are Doing Better I Guess. Hopefully Things Get Even Better Once Summer Hits. Well Talk To You All Later Byez!!

~*~Kida~*~

I Cant Stand This Shit Anymore. For Those Of U Who Read My Last Journal. Well This Is About Pretty Much The Same Shit. Funny Huh?
Well My Fiance Justin Moved Out And Its Really Sucks Because We Are Not Used To Being Away From Each Other And Its Taking A Hard Toll On Me. I Mean Come On. Its 5:07am And Im Still Awake Writing A Damn Journal. But Yea Anyways.

I Am So Stressed Out, And Even Though I Talk About My Problems It Never Makes Me Feel Better Till I Write Them Down Somewhere. I Feel Like Im So Over My Head Right Now In Life. I Mean Not Only Did My Fiance Have To Leave But I Also Had To Give 2 Of My Dogs Away. My Dog Rosco And My Puppy Named Peanut  

Now I Have To Still Worry About Loosing My Other Dogs And Having To Give Them Away, Not To Mention The Fear Of When My Family And Me Are Getting Evicted From Our House, And Where My Mom Is Going To Go. She Wants To Leave My Dad And What Not, And When We Get Evicted Im Scared As To Weather Or Not Ill Be Seperated From Her Because She Moves To Midland MI Or If She Is Going To Leave My Dad And Move Into A Homeless Shelter. And What Sucks More Is I Cant Find A Job Still! And I Need To Get My License But My Sister And My Mom Wont Let Me Unless I Stay Here To Break Everyones Fall. I Mean I Have So Much Pressure On Me Its Destroying Me. And With Justin Not Here Its Just Makin Shit HArder. Like I Know There Is A Time In Everyones Life Where They Have To Face There Problems. But Im On A Rollercoaster Here. I Mean I Am Going From Being A Carefree 18Yr Old To Someone Who Has Here Whole Family Looking At Me Like "Help Us!!" I Dont Know What To Do. My Sister Wont Give Me The Money To Take My Driver Test Unless I Find A Job And Move In With My Mother Somewhere And Take Care Of Her And Everything. And Instead Of Waiting Around For The Bottom To Drop In My Life Im Trying To Move Out But I Have Everyone Begging Me Not To Cut And Run. And Not To Mention My Probation Is Getting Worst. I Cant Do Community Service Because No One Has A Spot For Me. And I Couldnt Pay For a $90 Class I Had To Take And My Dad Lost His License And Got Fired, And My Mom Is Laid Off And Our Car Is Broke. And They Are Arguing Over Who's Fault It Is.

I Hate My Dad!!! This, Everything Is His Fault. Why Did He Have To Quit The Job He Was Working Over The Summer? Why Did He Make Me Drive A Car To A PLace I Wasnt Familier With And Got Into An Accident.And Get His License Suspended For Not TAking Care Of HIs Shit After The Accident? Why Did Charles Set Me Up To Take The Falls For His Fuck Up At The Mall And I Had To Plead Guilty Because If I Would Have Drug It Out To A Case Then I Would Have Lost And Gotten Thrown In Jail For 3 months? And Did Anyone Help Me On That? No!!! I Had To Sell Pills To Get The Money For All My Court Shit. For The Shit With Charles And The Accident. And Not To Mention My Dad Got 2 Credit Cards And MAXED Them Out. And U Wanna Know Where The Money Went? ALL $250 on Both Cards Went To Beer!!!!

When Is It Going To Stop???!!!!

My Whole Life Has Been From Moving From One House To Another Because Of My Dad. And One Faithful Day I Go To The Mall And Get Into Trouble For Something I Didnt Do And The Courts Let His 3 Warrent Ass Go. How Did I Go From Having A Shit Load Of Friends To Having No ONe But My Boyfriend And His Friends? I Mean What Did I Do To Deserve All This Shit? Why Couldnt I Have A Normal Life Like Everyone Else? Thanks To My Dad I Even Had To Quit School On My Senior Year. I Was So Close To Graduating And Now.....I Dont Even Know Who I Really Am Anymore. My Life Has Been From One Fucked Up Year To An Even More Fucked Up Year Since I Was Little.
I Mean The Only Thing I Have To Be Greatful For Is Justin. Without Him I Dont KNow Where I Would Be Right Now. He Actually Is The Only One Keeping Me Sane Enough To Get Threw Everyday. BUt LIke Right Now When He Isnt Around To Talk To Me, Is When All These Problems Come Crashing Back On My Head.

I Feel Like Im On The Brink Of Loosing It Right Now. I Dont Sleep Really. I Barly Eat Even Tho Thats Because Half The Time There Is Never Any Food In This House. And I Know Ill Be Disowned By Everyone If I Leave Now But I Dont Know If I Can Do This, Why Does It Have To Be Me? I Mean I Have 3 Other Siblings Ahead Of Me, Why Am I The One Who Has To Pick Up The Peices To My Fathers Fuck Ups. My Mom Even Thinks I Hate Her And That I Want Her To Go To A Shleter And All This Other Shit And Is Literally Telling My Sister That As Soon As I Get My License Im Abandoning Her. Like IS It A Bad Thing That Im Freaking Out? My Parents Spoiled Me My Whole Life Untill Now And I Never Even Learned How To Actually Take Care Of My Self And Now I Have To Take Care Of Them? Im Doing All I Can But I Dont Even Have Anyone To Help Me But Justin And He Cant Even Help Me Right Now. What The Fuck Am I Going To Do???


Can Someone Answer That For Me?

Hey There Everyone How Are All Of U Doing? Im Doing Ok, Thanks To My Boyfriend Anyways Or I Would Probally Be In My Room Freaking Out About Whats Going To Happen To Me After Everything Falls Apart On Top Of My Head.

Well Friday My Mom Is Getting Laid Off. But She Will Still Be Able To Collect Unemployment However Without Our Car Still Not Working And With Just My Dad Driving The Cab And Only Coming Home With Less Then $20 Bucks In His Pocket I Am Afraid That Its Only A Matter Of Time Before We Get Kicked Out Of This House, My Parents Move 6 Hours Away From Me and I Move To Clarkston With My Sister,Without my boyfriend. and My Life Turns To Shit,

I Mean There is a lot of upsides to this i guess but a lot of bad things, lets see..the good things are when i move to my sisters she can help me find somewhere to work and get me into school and make sure all my probation shit works out good, and me and justins relationship will finally be put to the test. i can only see me and him growing closer because we will both be working hard to get out lives together so we can make it that much more soon to get our own place together.
I cant wait for that to happen. i love justin so much, my hearts feels like its missing its other half when he isnt around. But Ill Make it.

And as for the down sides to this situation. i wont be abe to see my parents. im hoping with all this going on, when they finally get a new place my dad learns to keep a good job and not quit and go to an even shittier job ya know? and i know its bad to wish this but if u have been what i have been through u would inderstand....i really hope my mom leaves my dad. and me and all 3 of my siblings as well as my boyfriend agree to this one hope. and well hell...even my boyfriend wishes that for my mom, it would only be the best for her to get away from him. he has messed a lot of shit up in the past but this is the worst.

u know how long i have lived in this house for??

a year.....

and already my dad is terribly behind on rent....

yup.

well its late i have to get back to bed. ill talk to u all later bye.